HERE IS MY STORY, VIEWERS MAY FIND THIS VERY DISTRESSING

 

GROWING UP I WAS SEXUALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSED BY MY DAD, BASICALLY FROM BIRTH TO AGE 11, FINALLY I REACHED OUT AND TOLD PEOPLE WHAT WAS HAPPENNING, THIS WENT TO COURT BUT THE COURT DIDNT BELIEVE ME NOR DID THE JURY, BARE IN MIND I WAS JUST A KID.

 

THROUGHOUT WHOLE CHILDHOOD I WAS BULLIED BY STUDENTS AND IN PRIMARY SCHOOL THE TEACHERS BULLIED ME TOO.

 

WHEN I WAS 15 I FOUND A GUY TO BE WITH, HE EMOTIONALLY AND SEXUALLY ABUSED ME AND HE WAS PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE AT TIMES TOO

 

ME AND MUM MOVED AROUND SOME VERY ROUGH AREAS OTHERS NICE

 

GOING BACK TO AGE 12 MUM FOUND A NEW PARTNER THIS PARTNER WAS MESSAGING ME INAPPROPRIATE MESSAGES THESE LASTEST THE DURATION OF MY LIFE BETWEEN AGE 12-27 YEARS OLD, THE SEXUAL TEXTS GOT WORSE. AT AGE 27 HE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED ME. I TOLD MUM AND POLICE. FAST FORWARD 9 MONTHS AND THE CHARGES WERE DROPPED!

 

OKAY SOME THINGS ARE JUMBLED UP AS IN TIME SCALE, AND I AM UNABLE THROUGHOUT TO GIVE DETAILS ITS ALL PART OF THE PTSD, SO NOW I WILL MENTION THE JUMBLED UP STUFF

 

IN MY TEENS I WAS AT HOME ALONE WHILST A HOUSING ASSOCIATION WORKER WAS DOING WORK ON THE HOUSE, WELL WHEN HE FINISHED HE TRIED TO SEXUALLY ABUSE ME, HE DIDNT UNDRESS ME AND HE DID NOT GO ALL THE WAY

 

I WAS RAPED BY A MAN IN A CITY BY MY FRIENDS FRIEND

 

THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TRAUMA THAT HAPPENED IN MY LIFE BUT THIS IS WHAT I REMEMBER RIGHT NOW!

 

I NOW HAVE COMPLEX PTSD AND DISSOCIATION

 

I GET FLASHBACKS, NIGHTMARES, ANXIETY, ANGER, RESENTFULNESS, GUILT, SHAME, PANIC ATTACKS, BUT I ALSO DISSOCIATE AND FEEL DETACHED FROM MY EMOTIONS AND THE PEOPLE AND WORLD AROUND ME, OFTEN I FEEL NUMB, EMPTY, JUST NOTHING, SOMETIMES I HAVE NO THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD JUST PURE EMPTY, SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE PRESSURE ON MY BRAIN. I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO FEEL HAPPY, SAD OR EVEN CRY LATELY, ALMOST FEEL LIKE A ROBOT ON THE INSIDE WITH HUMAN LIKLINESS ON THE OUTSIDE. I DO NOT FEEL REAL, I FEEL THE WORLD ISNT REAL, MAYBE DREAM LIKE?